5 milli-blog - what I learned in 2024 - drinking the Kool-Aid and my goal to be more irrational
#update
parents:: milli-blog
daily note:: 2025-01-04
I don't like Kool-Aid. It's too sweet. I guess everything in America is too sweet. That's why the best compliment you can get from an Asian for a dessert is "it's not too sweet."
But the thing is, even if, on an individual level it's suboptimal to eat sweets, or to drink alcohol or coffee--that is, in a vacuum without other people--there's an argument to be made (one that I buy) that in the real world, the reverse is true. Maybe part of it is the explanation people usually give; that it's good to let go sometimes, to indulge your cravings.
I think the bigger reason is that these are all useful social tools. Sweets let us extend dinners. Alcohol is a way to get to know your friends better (maybe). Coffee is how we form new social connections.
I think a similar phenomenon is true for rationality. In particular, for rationality when it comes to ones beliefs about the "bigger things" in life. And even more in particular, to ones beliefs about what the best career is.
When I'm around PhD students, it's clear to me that PhD is the best career! The people are smart, fun, creative. The work is intellectually stimulating. You get to learn so much all the time. There's so much freedom. And in most cases, if you were to ask a PhD student (at least the ones I know) what they'd be doing if money didn't matter, they're answer is "not much different from now." I can't picture myself doing anything else.
Until I leave for summer or winter break. At first, my defenses hold up quite well. I see the things others are doing and think "hah! That's so lame!"
and "See, if money didn't matter for him, he'd quit his job immediately."
But then, the Kool-Aid begins to run out, and doubts arise in my head. I see people working fully remote jobs and think, "is this what freedom really looks like?" I find myself thinking about the real world, with its wars and misinformation and modern Chinese colonialism and disease and inequality and injustice. And I wonder if I'm doing an injustice to 8 year old me, who wanted to change the world? I still want to change the world.
And if I'm being rational, of course it's not obvious that the PhD is the best career decision for me, or for anyone. It's just one that I did make.
But this is by design. In large society, there's no such thing as a "best career." And even if there were, it would need to be intentionally obfuscated, because at the societal level, what matters isn't necessarily that everyone finds their calling, but just that enough each flavor of Kool-Aid has its fair share of loyal drinkers.
That's why confirmation bias is such a useful tool. It's one of the instances where the heuristics that evolution has instilled in us remains useful in modern society.
Maybe my goal is to give in to confirmation bias.