7 milli-blog - 一根筋

#update
parents:: milli-blog
daily note:: 2025-01-06

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My parents used to tell me, as a reprimand, that I had 一根筋 and to stop having 一根筋.
Which was true.
In third grade, you wouldn't be able to take me for a walk on a clear day without ending up with a stiff neck from straining to look up and your prefrontal cortex struggling to hold a bajillion (at least that's how many I thought it was) facts about barred spiral galaxies and neutron stars and gas giants.
In sixth grade, I spent two weeks researching how to build a windmill out of spare parts (after years obsessing over climate change).
In seventh grade, I spent several weeks watching tutorials, reading articles, and planning out the perfect (reasonably priced) computer build.

But, a one-track mind isn't the kind life algorithm that leads to Asian success: that is, a well rounded student with good grades and plays the violin and tennis.
These obsessions were all treated as "phases that will pass." And they did indeed pass. We never did end up buying a telescope for me to make my own astronomical discoveries (too expensive), the windmill remained an idea in my 11 year old head (too dangerous), and the graphics cards and motherboards and cooling fans gathered dust in browsing history (too unnecessary, and what if you break it?).

Now that I'm theoretically an adult and making my own decisions, I've recognized signs that I'm afraid of obsession.

• I'm often unwilling to invest, monetarily, in my goals.
  • For instance, as I'm getting into photography, I'm unwilling (even though I have the means) to buy a camera. Because, what if it's a waste?
  • Similarly for piano lessons.
• I have so many mental safety mechanisms in place to prevent me from becoming obsessed about something
  • For instance, this morning I woke up thinking about piano. My immediate reaction was: no, this isn't okay, I can only spend 1-2 hours a day on this, I have other responsibilities and need to do this and that and this and that.
  • Similarly, when I get a new idea, or start writing a story I'm excited about, or start learning something that really catches my attention, I convince myself that it's not worth it to become obsessed about it.

New Year's Resolution: let myself be obsessed

But habits are hard to break. Especially these meta, "decision heuristic" habits that are hard to even notice in the first place. How can I effect this?

Well, today, I'll start off with 一根筋 on piano.

Followups

• Trust issues: another way to frame these things is as a lack of trust in myself
• Excitement is the best way to get good at something.
  • It's more important that there's excitement, than that the "something" is the ideal thing to do.